Thursday, May 2, 2013

The buried life quote

But hardly have we, for one little hour,
Been on our own line, have we been ourselves—      60
Hardly had skill to utter one of all
The nameless feelings that course through our breast,
But they course on for ever unexpress'd.
And long we try in vain to speak and act
            Our hidden self, and what we say and do                     65
Is eloquent, is well—but 't is not true!
And then we will no more be rack'd
With inward striving, and demand
Of all the thousand nothings of the hour
                                 Their stupefying power;                           70
Ah yes, and they benumb us at our call!

This might not be my favorite quote but it is the one I can find the most truth in and that I believe to be true, which is why it most likely "speaks" to me the most. So I made this image and kept it simple (and raw you can say). No fancy art, no actual realism, just a quick drawing of what I believe to be a representation of the lines above from the poem The Buried Life by Mathew Arnold. Of course maybe I could have done better on the art but I'll leave that to another time. I have three phrases I wrote. "They are right" "Am I wrong?" "Who am I?". By playing pretend and always tying to fit in, to not make a scene and not disrupt the flow of things you lose sight of who you are and what really matters to you. You let the judgement of others control how you lead your life and hide your true self so long that not even you remember or know who you are, and even when you lose yourself you still wonder "Am I wrong?" still following the crowd. But why do we do this? Lie to ourselves and become something we are not? I still don't know the answer to this myself and am still trying to find what I can call my "true self". I always wonder "who am I?", I act differently depending on who I am talking to. Is that all the different sides of me or just a facade? When I am by myself am I my true self? When and how will I know I have become my true self and follow what I want to do. Maybe it's the purpose of this blog, maybe it's not, but at least I am able to tell that I need to search for it, that person that I can call "myself" truly and wholeheartedly and make that journey that I can look back on and smile at the road I took to  reach to the place, to the destination of a "TRUE LIFE".

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